The global sensation couple, Actress Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas, the musician, are loved and most talked about celebrity couples on the Internet.
Recently I got an opportunity to listen to a small piece from Nick Jonas interview, where he talks about his family and priorities. In that interview, Nick said he likes to put family over everything, and he also admits that he “fears being a bad husband’’ to his wife, Priyanka Chopra. This statement may sound ridiculous or even a publicity stunt, but you can see he is genuine if you watch the video. The fear, which Nick Jonas refers to, is known as “Naithik-Bhayam” in Sanskrit (Ancient Indian Language). Naithik Bhayam stands for Moral Fear. So why does one need to fear to be a bad husband/wife?
We all tend to have our likes and dislikes in every decision in our life. However, as a family or a married person, when we take all our decisions based on our likes and dislikes, we may not go hand in hand with our spouse’s likes and dislikes. Which in turn leads to differences of opinion. People don’t realize the impact of ‘Difference of Opinion.’ But the gap between “An Argument to a divorce Agreement” lies in the intensity of the differences of opinion.
Often, we see differences of opinion of how things or people are or should be. Invariably, these result in clashes, conflicts, discord, lack of understanding, leading to inner separation and divorce. But don’t you agree that we all have differences of opinion, on one or the other topic as an individual? If that is so, how come one couple lives happily forever regardless of differences of opinion? And others don’t?
The answer is Naithika Bhayam, the Moral Fear. Let’s take an example. One fine Friday evening, both husband and wife were relaxing on the couch in front of the TV; the wife insisted on watching her favorite reality show, whereas the husband preferred the Wimbledon match. And when there is one TV in front, and both have differences of opinion, what should they do? No doubt, someone should give up. But the question is who should give up. Generally, people tend to argue based on old memories in such a situation. Like, ‘Yesterday you watched sports / you agreed to watch this show with me, etc. In the worst case, one who is dominant, usually husband, forces his decision most of the time. Either way, someone should sacrifice their likes; this also means someone will not be pleased. That’s how most of the arguments end.
Now the question is who should give up? Only the person who values the relationship will give up. When you read these lines, you may get a doubt. Whom am I? A feminist or a male chauvinist? I am neither of them. I am looking for a healthy and sustainable family system, and I am not here to create a new problem to solve an old one.
Hence, I don’t mean that wife should give up or the husband should. Who should give up is an individual decision. But I would like to bring it to your notice, giving up is not a failure but an action of Love. If I am a good husband, then it is my responsibility to make my wife happy, and If I am a good wife, then it is my responsibility to make my husband happy. Now, if I have the “fear of a bad husband,” I will be conscious enough to utilize every opportunity to make my wife happy by allowing her to watch her fav show instead of choosing Wimbeltone. This fear of not being a good husband pressures me from inside to sacrifice/give up my lower priority when I need it. As a millennial, many may come up with the simple solution to use a cell phone, laptop, or TV in another room. Yes, one may skip a day from the fight, but not the problem. The problem statement is not a TV channel, but who values the relationship? If you love your spouse, you will give up on your likes. One needs to ask oneself, what is my priority sequence?
Does that mean we shouldn’t have a life for ourselves? Is individuality taboo? No, not all the time. When both the couple have the attitude to give up their likes for one another, the very life will become heaven on earth. Only then do the parents become healthy role models for their children. The fear of being a bad husband/wife helps us compromise our attachments and expectations. Expecting one’s life partner to live as per one’s wish is one of the significant problems of today’s century. Both hope their spouse to be like their gadgets, respond like, “OK, Google.” When it doesn’t happen, they collapse.
I remember my mother’s words; she said that the husband and wife should be like a seesaw. When one is angry, the other person should be calm; the other should light up when one is upset. Only then will the balance happen within the family. When both are angry, you know what happens. When both desire to win the argument, only the divorce lawyer wins. I already have an in-depth discussion on this topic in two of my courses, Self Exploring Mechanism and Partner Intimacy Blueprint. But I would like to mention it here again. Love is essential in every relationship. But to sustain the love, one also requires respect. Respectless love will not survive for long.
The fear of being a bad husband/wife comes out of respect for their spouse. When every husband and wife have this kind of moral fear, there wouldn’t be any need for marriage counselors on this planet. The source of such differences arises from a difference in opinion of how things or people are or should be. Invariably, these result in clashes, conflicts, discord, lack of understanding, leading to inner separation and divorce. Imagine an argument in front of the TV between husband and wife. The husband asks the wife to watch her fav show, and the wife asks for Wimbledon, both arguing for the sake of their spouse’s happiness. How beautiful would that be? Wouldn’t you feel jealous of seeing such a couple? The decision is always in your hands. If you wish, you can create a house for your children whereby seeing you; they will know the value of love and loved ones in life rather than indulging in timely pleasures.
Therefore, let us fight among our loved ones out of love and not for love.
With Love & Respect,
V Shankar Kumaran
Founder, MILE
Tags: #marriage #family #lifeeducation #nickjonas #priyankachapra #hollywoodcouple #yogapsychology #shankarkumaran
Categories: entertainment, family, marriage